April, as many people in the United States know, is Autism Awareness month. Some people call it Autism Acceptance month or Autism Activist month. I like all of those verbs associated with Autism month. They all require action. I've wanted to share some of my feelings about Autism.
Awareness is something I like to focus on most of the time. I have seen many friends post that they don't need an awareness day or month because, every day, they are all too aware of Autism. I can't disagree with this. Autism and the other myriad of diseases in my sweet young man affect virtually every part of my family's life. I literally cannot think of one aspect of our life that is not affected. This is not necessarily a negative thing, it is just our "normal".
When Aulton and I are out and about, I love questions. Usually, it's a curious kid that might ask why he has glasses or what was on his legs. I hate stares. I think this is one thing that people can be aware of; if you are curious, ask a question. It's pretty simple.
One thing that is not simple is what is happening in the Aulton's mind when we are in a store. We try to go to Target because they have Caroline's Carts. These make shopping so much easier. So, automatically this draws attention. Aulton has quite a bit of anxiety and he is shy. Staring is not helpful. Usually, he is covering up his ears because he hears every conversation, a sneeze, laughter, the doors opening and closing, carts banging against each other, shoes clicking on the hard floor, hangers sliding along the rods, the crinkle of paper when you check a tag, noisy toys and blaring TVs in electronics. He is blocking out all the sounds that his mind won't automatically do, like a typical brain. This same thing happens with all his other senses. His eyes have a hard time focusing, he has a heightened sense of smell, his taste buds are certainly affected and he seeks the softness you can find in the bedding section. I want people to be aware of all of that. I also want people to be aware of Autism statistics .... 1 in 68.
Whether people want to accept Autism or not, it's being diagnosed and families are living with it. These children are growing up in a society that must accept them because eventually these children will grow up and they all have valuable things to contribute.
So, while it's important to be aware of statistics and the sensory systems involved with Autism, I think it's more important to be aware of what we can learn from people with Autism.
The first thing Aulton ever taught me was love. I loved him before he was even born. I constantly dreamed about becoming a mother. Aulton, though, has taught me a type of unconditional love I don't think I could have witnessed any other way. He loves me when I put needles in him, he loves me when I pull things out of his nose and leave him in pain and bleeding, he loves me when I take him to 4 appointments in one day, he loves me when I can't understand what he needs, he loves me when I am trying to get him to eat something he doesn't want to. He even loves me when I am scolding him about something he probably doesn't even have control over. Besides Jesus Christ, Aulton is the best example of unconditional love I will ever find.
Aulton has taught me about courage. Before he got his back brace, we talked about it quite a lot and he cried quite a bit. I always did my very best to comfort him and I shed tears away from him. The first time I saw the brace, I burst into tears. I cried, while they fitted him in it, I cried most of the appointment. The orthotist left to give Aulton some time in the brace and I was still crying. Aulton looked at me with no tears or anger and seemed to convey to me, "Mom, I've got this. Please stop crying." He handles everything with so much patience and that is another thing I have learned from him.
I have to be patient with him. He does things in his own time and since he is always trying, I certainly can't be disappointed or upset. I can cheer him on and be optimistic, but most of all I can wait-patiently. I have learned that with trials, it's best if I try to patiently endure them. Many of them are related to the struggles Aulton has, but ultimately they are his trials. If he is patiently enduring these things that are happening to him, I certainly can do the same.
Aulton has taught me compassion. I feel so much empathy and compassion for those struggling with the side effects of an Autism diagnosis. I can't even imagine what daily life is like and how so many people I know, who have Autism, love life. I can think of many children, with Autism and other diseases, who inspire me. I wish, like Lyla says, that I could take something away from Aulton so he wouldn't have to deal with so much. It obvious he has a sister who is the most compassionate and caring person I know. She mostly came that way, but she definitely learned some of it from loving Aulton.
Aulton is one of the most determined individuals. I think there are people who would go through the things he is going through, who would give up. He will not give up. Everyday, as he struggles to make his muscles move to get out of bed, he is eager to start his day. He usually will find hard things in his day, but he is determined to conquer anything in his path.
Aulton has taught me how to look at things from a different perspective. The things Aulton teaches me during RPM are nothing short of amazing. His unique words show me how to look at things from all angles. I still can't predict anything he will spell and I get so excited to see what he is going to tell me each day.
I have learned a lot about feelings from people with Autism. It is hard for Aulton to display emotions.... this is not to be confused with whether he has emotions or not. His brain can not always control his body. I think we encounter many people, every day, who are hiding deep emotions. Even though they are intentionally keeping their emotions in check, I have found it's best to assume that they are dealing with things I know nothing about. That's how I look at Aulton and all of his friends. Aulton has a friend, with Autism, who sometimes takes things without wanting to. He took a Dorito from Elodie, who got mad. The boy got very agitated and upset. His mom asked him to spell. He spelled I'M SORRY. Then, he calmed down. I will never be mad at this extraordinary teenager and definitely am not upset that he took a chip, but he felt so badly about it that it extracted strong reactions in him. I believe all people have complex and strong emotions, even (and especially) people with Autism.
Many children with Autism are teaching their parents similar things. This is what I want most to say during this month, where there is a lot of focus on Autism. It's good and noble to try and be aware of facts about Autism. It's more important to be AWARE of what we can learn from people who courageously deal with this disease every single day. Love. Courage. Patience. Compassion. Determination. Understanding. Always.
