TRAVELING

 Planes are just "Steel Containers for People"

It’s the beginning of Summer and we don’t have any airplane travel planned. I’m excited about this, but I bet there are some people who have children with disabilities who are traveling and may benefit from some of the things I have learned over the past year as Aulton and I traveled all the time. Some of this may be common sense, but I have found a few tricks that might be helpful.

My first suggestion is to call TSA Cares a few weeks in advance. I have never benefitted from this service, but I know there are others who have and it may really help. I didn’t request it every time we traveled.

Before you even leave, explain everything to your child. I give Aulton lessons about the cities and places we are going. I tell him what day and time we are going, what kind of plans we have. I ask for his input on the trip. I ask about questions, concerns, etc. He really wants to know how a plane flies and we are going to work on those lessons this Summer (thanks to my friend, who gave me a packet her son used at school this year).

When you head for the airport, leave with plenty of time. You don’t know what kind of things may end up taking a lot of extra time. I also leave with fairly low expectations, I don’t get depressed about it. I just realize that not every part of the travel will go perfectly and that’s ok. I also realize that lots of things might go wrong and that’s ok, too.

I also want to go through security, as quickly as possible, because that can take the longest. I usually have a backpack and Aulton has one because I can’t pull a bag and push a wheelchair. When you go through security, make sure you use the disability line. It goes much faster and can help you at the belts. Every employee and airport will handle it differently. In Orlando, for example, they send all wheelchairs to the same line as every stroller. This was terribly annoying because there are 3,000 strollers for tired kids heading home from DisneyWorld and there are 3,000 wheelchairs for retirees going to visit grandchildren. At one point, all able-bodied travelers had to leave the line and go through the regular metal detector (which is normal). The TSA worker takes the wheelchair when you go through the metal detector, and you meet your child on the other side. However, at Orlando, the line is so long that when I left Aulton, he was about 12 wheelchairs back and I couldn’t go back around to get him. It’s not ideal, but I had already planned for it not to be.

I always put my debit card, my ID and Aulton’s passport in the front pocket. I have a small wristlet that works really well for just grabbing it. I put all of our electronics in the same pocket of Aulton’s bag. When I put the electronics in the bin, I put my phone in first and pile all the other things on top of it. The bin will likely sit at the end of the rollers for awhile and the phone is my most valuable traveling possession and the easiest for someone to swipe while they walk by due to it’s size. Putting it on the bottom of the electronics, makes me worry a lot less.

Sometimes workers will realize it’s going to take you more time and send you to a separate line, sometimes they don’t make you take off your shoes. Other times, they are completely oblivious and will just send you into the fray. This has happened to me twice, in Phoenix. One time a customer behind me was in such a rush, he actually pushed me out of the way because Aulton and I take up a lot of space and I have to remove both of our shoes. I was so frazzled at the time, I didn’t do anything about it. Keep your wits about you and tell someone if something like that happens. Most people are pretty understanding about it taking time and if they aren’t, too bad. It takes time and they should have come to the airport early. Once everything is on the belt, they will take you and your child to the side, while they way for a same sex employee to take your child through security. This is annoying because there isn’t usually space and everyone is confused about why you standing there, sort of blocking the line. Chances are, you will just have to tell people to go ahead, while you wait. I have waited for 30 minutes. I have also waited for two. Just be patient, someone will come. The TSA worker pushedsthe chair through a gate, and you go through the metal detector.

Security for Aulton is soooo tricky. I NEVER know how the TSA worker will handle him. Our experiences have ranged from simple swipe of the chair that took three minutes to a whole body search, where the worker was so inappropriately touching and searching Aulton, that I had to call for a manager. Sometimes the workers have had training and sometimes they haven’t. I have just learned, for the most part, if I am patient and calm and just let them do what they feel they need to do to be thorough, it will usually go fine. The most common thing they do is swab Aulton’s hands and his chair. They run those swabs through a machine that detects explosive material. They usually pat down his legs and have him move forward to check behind his back. Sometimes they swab my hands, sometimes, they have him get out of the chair to check all of it. It really is different every where, I don’t think there is a standard protocol.

After that work is done, I can return to my belongings that have just been sitting on the belt for a long time. I find a semi-isolated area to put our shoes back on and put everything in order. Then, I find an information desk (if it is a new airport and I haven’t seen a family restroom up until that point). I will ask about the nearest family restroom. These employees are often great and will tell you about ones that are off the beaten path or kind of hidden. There is a restroom in the Phoenix airport that is actually through some doors that look like they are just for workers. It is never busy and it’s usually really clean. The issue with family restrooms is that everyone uses them. I have stood behind a single man, waiting for the restroom. When I tried to open the door, he told me it was locked. When another single male walked out, I asked the man in front of me if he was using the restroom. He just looked at me and said he needed the privacy and it would just be a minute. Five minutes later, he walked out, the bathroom stank and I was very annoyed. More often than not, single people are using the restroom because they are so roomy and usually they are pretty clean. They usually look pretty sheepish when they walk out and see you waiting with a wheelchair. I literally cannot use the regular restroom with Aulton, the stalls are just too small and he is a teenage boy.

Going through security can take time. Finding and waiting for the family restroom can take time. Plan accordingly.

With a wheelchair, you have to go to the counter and get a tag to gate check. The people there are usually pretty nice. They change your boarding pass status to pre-check. If they don’t, ask them to. Even if you don’t have a wheelchair, you can go and explain that you need extra time.

When you are walking to and in the terminal, ignore staring. If it is horrible, stare back at the person. They will usually be embarrassed. If it’s a child, I smile, ask them if they want to know his name. That’s just normal curiosity and not ill-intended or purely bad manners, like it is with adults.  

We board first, almost every time. Some airports make an attendant take the stroller down backward. Not usually, but it has happened. Just go with it. Aulton has motor planning down for boarding the plane. When I help him out of the chair, he waits for me to put his backpack on then, he just walks onto the plane, while I break down the stroller. I catch up to him and we walk to the rear of the plane. For spelling convenience, we sit on the left side of the plane. Aulton doesn’t prefer the window, but I make him sit there anyway, so I can be a buffer for whoever sits on the row with us (if we are on a three seat row). On the left, he can spell, when he sits by the window. The communication partner has to sit to the right, so this makes the most sense. We usually sit about 5 rows from the back. I don’t like being in the last row because it is too close to the bathroom, but it is far enough back that when you get off you can wait until the end or take a little more time.

When a person sits next you, don’t apologize for anything. I used to tell the person that Aulton might make noises or be a little noisy. I think that just made them hyper-aware. Aulton is extremely well behaved and good at controlling his body on a plane, but he still does make some noise. Find things that regulate your child, like a certain show, fidget, book, etc.

The person next to you, will likely have on head phones and ignore you completely, especially if they are young. They will do their own annoying things, so don’t worry about it. A man once sat by me and ate sunflower seeds. The last time we flew, the kid next to me ate the entire flight. He even asked the flight attendant for extra snacks. Another time, the man next to me watched a movie with A LOT of nudity. A woman fell asleep on my shoulder, on a late night flight and never once said a word about it when we landed. I don’t think apologies for a little stimming are necessary. And, remember, you likely will never see any of these people again.

Here's another hint for the plane, buy the flight attendants Starbucks gift cards. They love it and will be so grateful. The first time I saw a man do this (it’s not common), the flight attendant announced it. Thanked him and later, when beverages came around, overed him free tequila. He declined, but they were so nice. Flight attendants can be very helpful, when you just show them a little extra kindness.

When beverages come around, you can ask for a lid and a straw. They have them, they just don’t offer them. You can also get double snacks if there is something your child prefers and will keep them busy. Of course, you always pack extra snacks and buy other drinks before you get on the plane.

If you are renting a car, make sure you are using the apps. The Avis app literally lets you skip the entire check in process and the car is just ready. When you return your car, you can ask the people at the company if there is someone available to take you to the terminal. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn’t, but is a huge time and muscle saver, especially in places like San Francisco where the rental cars are literally in another city and you have to take a long train ride to get there.

My biggest hint: plaster a smile on your face. Use the kindest words with EVERYONE. It is very hard for people to be rude to someone who is kind and smiling. People probably won’t offer to help, but if they do and you need it, take it! Let people help. Do all the things that will make the trip easier for you. Remember, why you are traveling and what’s the reward at the end of the trip.

When Aulton and I are finally in our rental car and he makes as much noise as he wants, we have a playlist that we like and we turn that on right away and just take deep breaths.

It is not easy to travel, with a person who needs some extra support. If you see anyone, who you think could use some extra help, offer to help. I rarely travel by myself, but when I do, I actively search for people who might need a hand. I have flown enough to know that kindness goes such a long way. That’s one of things, Aulton and I talk about when we board the plane and everyone else still has to get on. We recount the kindnesses that had been extended, sometimes I really have to search them out, but we always find something to be grateful about on our journey. Maybe you can be that person, that Aulton and I are so grateful for, because you made our trip a little better.